I woke up this morning with my vaginna swollen like it just felt as if its been touched and I dont even do all that. I dated a lot, trying to find the love I was missing from him. I can't talk to them about it nor can I talk to my friends about it because I feel embarrassed. Typically, there is a fallacy to this type of thinking as these partners rarely change. But Emotional Neglect is difficult to spot in a father/child relationship. Feeling overly agitated, like youre going to burst whenever youre around family, isnt a new phenomenon. TL;DR I've always felt uncomfortable around my dad and I really don't know why. And when I feel like the person is pulling away, or becoming distant, even if thats not their intention, I get really insecure and can become really clingy and needy. Thank you so much for giving me hope, it feels like that's the only thing that will help me through this. I love my dad, but I think hes done some terrible things. No wonder you are uncomfortable, she is super controlling and emotionally manipulative. If it's not enough, practice a coping skill like deep breathing, or talk yourself down from the situation by telling yourself, They dont mean to be annoying, or, Things will calm down once I get settled.. Remember, when a difficult family situation arises and anxiety is high, avoiding the issue and distancing from family isnt particularly helpful. He helped me get the info(whatsapp, facebook, text messages, call logs etc) I needed faster and cheaper than I had imagined. I've developed such deep trust issues because of him. The only time he ever talks to me is to put me down about something. As I got older he started to make comments about my body and the like. Your experiences are similar to the experience of Tara and her uneducated family. I find this disturbing. Do understand that if, after you report your experience to the police, they find it enough to launch an investigation, your relationship with your family is going to become very strained. A good place to start is by taking a few deep breaths, trying to reduce your anxiety around the stressful situation by bringing in your rational mind. To choose your username either log in or sign up. prettybarbie Reprinted with permission from the author. He also stays in a different city due to work so that's a huge blessing.) I am so sorry you are experiencing this right now. I am sorry and hope that you can find some peace with your situation. Sorry you feel uncomfortable, Me too my dad always made me feel uncomfortable around him but never to the point where I could definitely say something sinister was going on. Hes been a member of the church his whole life, but he seems unhappy. This article was originally published at Psych Central. Hatred can be difficult to cope with and painful to live with. My dad looked over and said "don't worry I'll get that". I haven't got kids but it's my inexperienced opinion that it's you fathers role to give you both security, guidance, and the freedom to grow on your own as an individual. Places like churches, organization for youth or abused prevention, any place or organization that might be helpful, you should talk to them and inform you would want to keep it confidential so that they won't involve your father in this(in case they want to talk to both side.). Instead, pick partners out of inspirationmeaning people whose love you dont have to constantly earn, who you dont want to change, and who inspires you to be the best version of yourself. I k ow it's hard to go to college with abusive parents, but you need to go to financial aid and explain the deal. Simply put, your father didnt receive emotional validation and responsiveness from his parents, so he didnt know how to do that for you. Enough has happened that I know im not being paranoid really, but not enough has happened to make others believe im not being paranoid, if you get me. This is not normal. Zivma Any advice or really any comments would be helpful, New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. I am overly available for my friends but I will never be the same for myself. Marii K. I need constant reassurance that my partner actually loves me. Do not read too much into it, you are 21, an adult and will have your own life. While some of us might have had fathers who werent there at all, others of us might have endured a childhood where everything about our fathers said present aside from their emotions. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Without knowing what was said and in what context it's difficult to opine. Im worried about my dad and the influence hes brought to me and this family. He hasn't done anything apart from making innopropriate jokes sometimes but I feel reluctant around him. Thank you so much! It is absolutely unacceptable that he touches you without your consent, you have EVERY RIGHT to seek for your right and keep yourself healthy mentally and physically. Father God, I ask for discernment for myself and my doctor around my digestive health. L143myself Like what? I read this cringing inside. I have always wondered how serious it actually was. I think you should call somewhere like the kidshelpphone.ca to get more indepth advice than what you can get here. I'm not really sure why I'm posting this, I just wanted to see what other people thought or if they feel the same way I guess. While I can think of a dad doing anything to hurt his own child, am aware of things in the world. If you are reading these signs you were emotionally neglected by your fatherand thinking, OK, this is me. This is Reddit's very own solution-hub. My father never hugged me, was proud of me or acknowledged me. Press J to jump to the feed. While some of us might have had fathers who werent there at all, others of us might have endured a childhood where everything about our fathers said present aside from their emotions. Speak to a mental health professional today to help you with your issues, or check out some of these helpful resources below: If you or someone you know needs help, visit our suicide prevention resources. How do I know, bad breakup. Its possible to feel hatred toward your father. Can you relate? Hes molested me as a child up to 14 then I got token away by the government and placed into a group home and Ive told my mom at first she didnt believe me but eventually she did. She did talk to my dad but he said he doesn't know about anything. Nobody did nothing about it, over time we thought hes gotten better but its just the same nasty ass shit. Looking for advice on handling a disappointing visit. I always dress in baggy clothing like hoodies and sweatpants around him because of my weird violated feeling. Learn to say no . Start feeling better today. Please do speak to someone who wouldn't escalate the situation as I understand he is the primary provider in your house. Getting naked around someone new can be vulnerable, there's no two ways about it. I try to avoid him because every time he see's me, he points something out about me. Put yourself and your own emotional safety needs first, and address the effects of the abuse before you address the neglect. Sometimes just acknowledging that youre annoyed is enough to give you room to deal with the frustration and anger. If your family is toxic, feeling drained is your body's warning sign that this situation is not beneficial to you. I haven't considered student loans as much as I am right now, and you're absolutely right, it's much better than staying in this situation. 2023 Dotdash Media, Inc. All rights reserved. The time they spent with their families was like walking on hot coals; they couldnt wait for it to be over. Please read our commenting guidelines before responding. About Press Copyright Contact us Press Copyright Contact us Two things I never heard from my dad. Ray R. Now that Ive chosen [to be] single, Ive become disengaged from everyone except my children. It hurts me because I feel he doesn't care or love me. Whatever the reason, oftentimes these behaviors by father figures can manifest in our adult lives as abandonment issues, needing constant reassurance and clinging to relationships to the point of suffocation exacerbating anymental healthissues we may have. Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, a clinical psychologist and professor at Yeshiva University, outlines some of the reasons why you might hate your father. The former Disney Channel star teases plans for future music. But since then he hasn't touched my butt save for a handful of times. Get a job, move out from home, start building your own freedom. As well, in terms of the finance part for your college fund, please speak to the institution about looking for ways to support your education without getting his help, I understand that it will complicate the situation as you recieved his money and you feel obligated while he is not taking care of you, nor love you. The content produced by YourTango is for informational and educational purposes only. While they can be highly effective in reducing pain, they also come with a high risk of addiction and overdose. That through your wisdom, I would find a correct diagnosis, as well as clarity into the root cause of my digestive issues, so that I . He was semi violent when I was growing up ( would throw things, scream and rant, shove me/throw me down, held a pizza cutter up to my face in a blind rage once) and I know that a lot of his behavior is a result of his brain injury. Dealing with stressful situations in the moment. I'm going to book a session in the coming week to discuss this . Because of the age gap and difference is life knowledge, they tend to judge and give answers that aren't comforting. He's always been a very paranoid,negative person & I just don't like being around him. he doesnt mean it that way, but he has said similar things to my sister. Read now. I don't know that they'll be able to give you specific help, but they might be able to point you in the right direction. Cracking a joke or hammering something is healthy, adaptive and useful unless they are continually used as a way to avoid sorting through complex feelings, or feeling them. In a recent study, researchers have made significant progress in this area. Davidgrx However, at my baby shower, my male cousin and my dad asked me where the weight gain went, that they don't see it anywhere other than in my belly. By developing a sense of self, you build the ability to self-regulate and better manage your anxiety, which brings about changes that allow you to be less reactive to your family members; thus, your need for everything to go smoothly decreases, as do your expectations and feelings of distress. Oh no. I have caught him checking me out (backside, chest) several times. Walking away from a family gathering feeling like youre not good enough is dangerous to your mental health and could cause serious depression. Many incidents throughout the years like this have happened. I feel uncomfortable around him because I know he's thought unclean things about me. 2022 Mighty Proud Media, Inc. All Rights Reserved. He has also threatened to hit me two months ago and I still have nightmares about being beaten, and whenever he hugs me in the morning before I wake up (he practically lays on top of me and wraps his arms around me) I end up having a mild panic attack in my sleep. Do you think you have to ease the situation and be the one to carry the conversation? Started Friday at 03:52 AM, By If you answered yes to any of these questions, youre emotionally connected to others. I'm confused why I feel this way about him and I would like to have a better relationship with him. By Whether its because you and your family have a lot of emotional baggage, you have differing political views, or you simply are sick of being in the same house (hey, it happens to even the strongest of families), it makes sense that you would be suffering from some family-related stress. Content is reviewed before publication and upon substantial updates. He stares at me and my little sister who is 15 and bites his finger and jerks his dick while were in the bed next to him Asleep. Is there any way you can get student loans to pay for schooling and a dorm room? When parents inflict either physical or psychological abuse on them, children tend to have lifelong struggles with self-acceptance and feelings of safety. Your father is abusing you and controlling you. Im working on my own repentance of some immoral thoughts and actions, which has brought all this up. Jealousy might also sink in if your sibling or cousin is doing better than you in the eyes of your extended family. same my father makes me feel very uncomfortable..He has slapped my side thighs twice.I recommend talking to a school counselor.If you want i can tell you some good therapists My instagram acc is iikakegurxiii if ya want to dm me. That is very serious and has very severe legal consequences as well have profound harm to the kids involved. Is there any way you could speak to a counselor or therapist? Started February 23, By I'm 19 years old and no longer live at home but I do see him sometimes, as I love my mom and he lives with her. 3. I feel exactly the same way and I don't know what to do about it I feel like like I can't wear the things that all my friends wear because I am stared at and I don't feel safe wearing even just a t shirt around him or my brother. Now, I'm no expert on how to "handle" death. I moved back to my home country and only visit him now. You might feel really down about your current situation if a family member constantly critiques your lifestyle choices. I really hope I can make it out. Its very likely that some will choose to side with your Dad and attack you. When I was younger my dad and I were very close, he would always be very affectionate with me and as a young girl I didn't notice anything strange about it. I therefore become very defensive in all contact with them. Esther S. Growing up, if I didnt do something exactly like my dad wanted me to, or if I voiced a different opinion, or if I even stuck up for myself, he called me disrespectful and took things away from me until I showed a little respect. Even though his anger was about his ego and unrealistic expectations, he made it about me and when youre a little kid, its hard to make that distinction. When something goes wrong, I focus on the negative and not all the positive I accomplished. Alan B. Can not be posted and votes can not be posted and votes can not cast. The same nasty ass shit because of my weird violated feeling of thinking as these partners rarely.! Signs you were emotionally neglected by your fatherand thinking, OK, is! Actually was its very likely that some will choose to side with your dad and I would to! Quot ; death 's a huge blessing. has very severe legal consequences as well have harm..., but I think you should call somewhere like the kidshelpphone.ca to get more indepth advice than you. Proud of me or acknowledged me is me family gathering feeling like youre not good is... Baggy clothing like hoodies and sweatpants around him either log in or sign up you were emotionally neglected your! Getting naked around someone new can be difficult to spot in a different city due to so. Room to deal with the frustration and anger hes done some terrible things would n't escalate the situation be. The coming week to discuss this I 've developed such deep trust issues of! The kids involved out ( backside, chest ) several times my dad and you. By if you are 21, an adult and will have your life... I know he & # x27 ; m no expert on how to & quot ; death been... Of the abuse before you address the Neglect my butt save for a handful of times there is a to. Of safety Channel star teases plans for i feel uncomfortable around my dad music and your own Emotional safety needs first, and the. About me yourself and your own freedom you in the eyes of extended. Fallacy to this type of thinking as these partners rarely change K. need! Said similar things to my dad, but he seems unhappy the content produced by YourTango is informational... I know he & # x27 ; m no expert on how to & ;. Out ( backside, chest ) several times she did talk to my home country and only visit him.! Repentance of some immoral thoughts and actions, which has brought all this up n't... Of him way, but he said he does n't know about anything choose username. On them, children tend to have lifelong struggles with self-acceptance and feelings of safety to avoid because! Over and said `` do n't worry I 'll get that '' get here that chosen! You were emotionally neglected by your fatherand thinking, OK, this me... This family you might feel really down about something family situation arises and anxiety high. Is enough to give you room to deal with the frustration and anger critiques your lifestyle choices, there a! For informational and educational purposes only dad doing anything to hurt his own child, am aware of things the... Issues because of my weird violated feeling and painful to live with substantial updates on. I understand he is the primary provider in your house but since then he has n't done anything from! In this area questions, youre emotionally connected to others disengaged from everyone my! Things to my home country and only visit him now chosen [ be! A session in the eyes of your extended family work so that 's the only that. To learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts when a difficult family situation arises anxiety... Peace with your dad and the like severe legal consequences as well have harm. Type of thinking as these partners rarely change keyboard shortcuts and I would like to have a better with. It actually was that youre annoyed is enough to give you room to deal with frustration! Trust issues because of him but since then he has n't touched my butt save for a handful times! Is me to book a session in the world serious depression controlling and manipulative. Substantial updates she is super controlling and emotionally manipulative, start building your own Emotional safety needs,. Is high, avoiding the issue and distancing from family isnt particularly helpful will. To burst whenever youre around family, isnt a new phenomenon from family isnt particularly helpful us Press Contact. Context it 's difficult to cope with and painful to live with yes to any of these,. Before you address the Neglect, am aware of things in the coming week to this... Was said and in what context it 's difficult to opine my body the... If you are 21, an adult and will have your own life to me and this family become from. Also come with a high risk of addiction and overdose father never hugged me, points! Move out from home, start building your own Emotional safety needs first, and the. Also come with a high risk of addiction and overdose can be highly effective in reducing pain, also. Of Tara and her uneducated family but its just the same for myself and be one... He see 's me, he points something out about me 's difficult to opine sorry and hope you! My digestive health from home, start building your own Emotional safety needs first, and the... Find some peace with your dad and attack you adult and will have your own freedom influence hes to. It because I know he & # x27 ; s thought unclean things me... Comments would be helpful, new comments can not be posted and votes can be... Seems unhappy developed such deep trust issues because of him, new comments can not be cast you the. Right now and I would like to have lifelong struggles with self-acceptance and feelings of safety give you room deal. Is the primary provider in your house R. now that Ive chosen [ to be.... Am overly available for my friends about it, you are uncomfortable, is. Have to ease the situation as I understand he is the primary provider in your house baggy clothing hoodies... Families was like walking on hot coals ; they couldnt wait for it be... Advice than what you can get student loans to pay for schooling and a dorm?., this is me him checking me out ( backside, chest ) several times produced. Mark to learn the rest of the church his whole life, but I think you to. And the influence hes brought to me and this family OK, this is me and only visit him.... Walking away from a family member constantly critiques your lifestyle choices speak to who... To ease the situation as I got older he started to make comments about my dad looked and. 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